Let Go(d)

by Emily Randall |  Oct 9, 2016

There have been many moments in my life where I feel like I’m at the edge of the cliff and I can’t turn around. Confusion enters. Where is my life supposed to go? Who am I? I lose all sense of direction, and start walking closer to the edge. Even when I cry out to God nothing seems to be answered quickly enough for me to feel satisfied. I’ve learned in moments or seasons like these God is waiting for me to let go. To let go of the dreams I have and the reality I am seeking and give it to him. To realize that this life is momentary compared to the eternity we have with him. To realize that by seeking anything other than his will is only going to lead to disappointment. He has the perfect plan. All we have to do is listen and let go.

As easy as this is to say, as HUMANS, I think it is the hardest thing to do: Let go of control. All of our lives we have been told completely opposite of that, if we aren’t in control how are we supposed to get anywhere – if we aren’t pursing are deepest dreams how can they be reached? For me, I will go through phases. I’ll work really hard towards something I feel is important and put all my energy into that ONE thing, because I feel it is what’s best for me or in other words, “where God has called me to be”. In my small mind I’ll believe that I am being prayerful about it, that I am making the right decisions, that God wouldn’t lead me astray and that I am in this spot for a purpose. Which I do believe, God puts us in places for seasons, to grow and learn then we must move forward; but this is where a lot of us get stuck and begin to cling on for DEAR LIFE. I cling and I cling and I deal with whatever feelings come along with the clinging because I’m scared. I’m scared to let go of control and realize that God has bigger plans for me. I’m scared of those plans because to me I feel content, I feel comfortable and I cannot comprehend what bigger plans God would have for me. I start to question why He has me in certain places, and then I start to rationalize it. I begin to put God’s motives into a logical thinking pattern; Well, I’m here because of this or that person and I can’t imagine not being here. God doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable, and what would this person think if I just picked up and left. Staying here would make sense, ill grow if just put my head down and work hard at it. Then bam, something happens where God shakes me and puts me back into his vision for my life.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

This notion is so wrong and it’s what society tells us – work really hard at something, pick ONE thing and you will be happy. You better make sure it’s the right thing though, and if its not you’re going to have to tough it out. If you aren’t happy its okay it will pass, you’ll learn to love it. If you aren’t happy in your job, that’s okay it will pass, just tough it out. If you aren’t happy with your friends, it will pass just tough it out. Pray for them pray for your job; for God to make you happy. What’s wrong with you why aren’t you happy why aren’t you fulfilled you have everything! You have a ‘perfect life’. You have the dream job, the dream car, the dream girl – why aren’t you happy! Well. You may be happy in worldly standards but if you aren’t fulfilling Gods purpose for your life, no matter how much stuff you have or no matter how great your life might be you will never be FULLY FILLED because you’re not allowing God to control your destiny. THIS IS YOUR LIFE PEOPLE; MAKE THE NEEDED CHANGE TO BE HAPPY. DON’T GET STUCK.

I believe societies standards for us are unrealistic compared to the vision God calls each of us towards. He wants to constantly be using us in different ways, for us to grow; which means to be uncomfortable. I’m not saying quit your job and find your purpose, but by letting God have control over everything, you allow him to work – to draw you towards your purpose.

For me currently, being 22 God is definitely moving me into a crazy direction. One that I never thought was plausible or even in my field of view and I am scared. I’m so scared. And boy was I clinging! For a while I was clinging to any hope of being with a guy who was completely wrong for me. That was only going to hold me back in God’s purpose for my life. I was clinging on to friends, and relationships that were comfortable to hold on to, because I was scared to let go and let God put the people that he needed in my life to help me get to his purpose. I was clinging on to a church that I felt was MY place, and where I was going to grow most. And I was clinging on to the notion that God wanted me where I was. I realized I Emily Randall had built a bubble. A bubble of comfort where I could access God whenever I needed Him but that I wasn’t letting Him fully work. I created a life in my head that seemed realistic, that seemed like God’s plan; a life that I could tangibly rationalize. HOW BORING IS THAT. God has a more beautiful life than I could ever imagine for myself if I just were able to let go and trust that he WILL PROVIDE. But for some reason, I couldn’t comprehend that. For weeks I was so confused. I felt like God had me where he wanted me but I was wrong. If he had me where he wanted me I wouldn’t be confused. I wouldn’t doubt him or feel depressed or insecure, I would have peace:

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints,” 1 corthinans 14:33

God doesn’t want us to have these boring lives. He wants us to have these outrageous beautifully written lives that only make sense in his story for us. He wants us to have our WILDEST dreams and DEEPEST desires. It wasn’t until I was at a worship night at Pepperdine where God literally spoke to me through a worship song – these are the lyrics….

And my mind runs wild

To comprehend

What no mind on earth

Could understand

Your ways are higher

Your thoughts are wilder

Love came like madness

Poured out in blood – wash romance

It makes no sense but this is grace

And I know You’re with me in this place

Here now

All I know is I know that You are

Here now

Still my heart

Let Your voice be all I hear now

I burst into tears. I could not stop crying, I was mind blown. For weeks and weeks I had been wrestling with myself. With my spirit and my mind. My relationship with God felt distant even though I was praying and reading and praying and reading; I knew it wasn’t right. I felt so stuck, and then boom RELIEF. In that moment it all made sense. God gave me the vision I had been lacking during those moments of distress. Those moments of questioning and crying out, of feeling uneasy and depressed, God conquered all of those feelings in that one moment. In the moment where I was fully able to let go of control and let him in, he spoke right to me. I was so awed I had to sit down – and I let it all out. I cried to my friend for an hour over how foolish I was, how I thought I had ANY control over my life, when God had it all. How could I put God in a box, and think that I could really understand what he was doing or forecast the future. How could I be so selfish to think that God didn’t have a bigger purpose for me? He had more for me, and has more for me and I have to learn to be okay with that. Because if I’m not, If I don’t realize that I am better than the world that I create to feel ‘comfortable’, that I am BETTER than societies view on me, that I am a child of the King; then I will never get to a place where I can see how God sees me. I will never be able to have the means to conquer all the goals that he wants me to achieve. The dreams HE has for me. His dreams are wilder than we could possible dream up in our own reality. And don’t get me wrong. This will probably happen 100 more times to me, which is really scary to admit. But I am human, I am selfish and I am stubborn and I want what I want, and what I think is best for ME, when in all reality I should only want what I feel is best for the kingdom of God. Never forget that and pray for discernment.

So now what?

Here’s my advice:

First: Be open to the plans God has for you. You need to be willing to let him construct your future and not yourself. You have to be willing to let go of your need to control things and feel comfortable.

Second: You need to realize when you feel like you’re in the most control you are actually in the least control, in Gods eyes. God wants us to give Him over complete control, every day. He wants us to surrender ourselves to him every day. And as soon as we lose sight of that we lose sight of Him.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Thirdly: It is important to always think of God before your own self. To question God’s will for your life and then measure that up with your own. Do they add up, do they align up with scripture? If you are chasing after dreams for purely your own success, then that right there is not God’s will. Yes you could make a lot of money, or become successful but in the end you will never feel fully fulfilled. That’s why in scripture it points out how it’s better to have nothing than to have a lot of money.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10

Here’s the thing. God never wants you to lack anything. He will bless you in ways you cannot even imagine if you just let go and let him in. He will bless you in ways more than just finically. He will bless your relationships, your thoughts, your motives, and your heart.

I love this verse:

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

We have a God who loves us and wants to provide for us. He will never leave us stranded or astray.

The final verse I leave you with is my favorite verse in the bible:

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

If we continue to seek the Kingdom of God and Gods will on our lives everything will fall into play.

Blessings. xo